I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
