i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i now understand why vodka
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
