found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
