I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
