its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I could make wine with my vomit
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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