I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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