Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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