Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize