A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
