Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize