i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
