Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
