I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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