im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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