I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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