She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
