My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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