Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
