did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
