Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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