If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
