Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize