Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
