She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The air taste purple.
Randomize