I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize