Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
