I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
