Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
