A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
