That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
