Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sorry about my life...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
