I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
