I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
