hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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