She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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