FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
