thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
