We should be called the Road Head Warriors
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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