Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
