No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
