Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
