Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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