Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
