So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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