I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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