I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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