i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I didn't notice because vodka
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
