I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
