You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
