She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
