You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I cut my penus on the lid.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
