I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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