Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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