You're earring is so big in my mouth
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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