Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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