if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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