yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
