gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
