the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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