not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
