don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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