cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
