I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
