I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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