"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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