You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
