Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
