u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
