He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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