Kiss
Puke
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
